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Heba Firdous's avatar

First and foremost Thankyou for writing id <3

Recently I've found ou that i am going through imposter syndrome. I’ve experienced imposter phenomenon most deeply when I’ve tried to restart my journey after setbacks—especially after dropping out of my physiotherapy course. I was a perfectionist, but never academically gifted, and that clash made me feel like I was constantly falling short. There are so many fears stopping me from doing the things I want. I feel guilt, rage, and agony because I know I have the capacity, the time, and the health to do something meaningful with my life—but I still can’t seem to move. I’m stuck. And it’s been a loop for more than a year.

But that one year… was the hardest of my life to deal with. To others, it might look easy—“she was just at home, not studying”, "Oh she just doesn't want to study"—but inside, i was constantly comparing myself to my friends who are ahead of my life achieving so much. Its hard to admit but i get aggressive or overreact when i decide my career (idk why) i am still discovering myself in my darkness. I was someone who didn’t even know what she liked, or who she really was. But now, I’ve become someone real. From chasing perfection to accepting my flaws. From being numb to being someone who can breathe. A human being who feels. Who expresses. Likes and dislikes. (Yes, I’m short-tempered.) But at least I feel now. I cry, I shout, I laugh. And even if I’m still stuck—I’m no longer lost in the same way. I’m alive. That matters.

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Lizzie  Simpson's avatar

I really got a lot out of this article as I have gate 48 activated and learnt more about this aspect of myself.

While in the past, I would accept most invitations to take on more responsibility in my work, winging it as I went along, these days I recognise the mental load in doing that along with how full my plate already is outside of work and so I shy away from taking on more. And I notice I am not being offered to step up to higher roles anymore.. which is a mix of relief and disappointment because I’m not expected to do things I don’t know if I necessarily can do, and so, feeling stable and sure of my role - and not the imposter! ..but I’m also feeling not seen for my ability and then the success of promotion.

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